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The survey found that many women are averse to sexual intercourse, including those caused by long-term pain during intercourse and general low sexual desire. It is necessary to explore in depth what role the social norms and social atmosphere with asceticism and traditional moral imprints that were particularly popular in a certain period played in this process.
Disgust caused by pain during sexual intercourse Some women suffer from pain during sexual intercourse for years and have been enduring it. In fact, if both parties communicate a little bit, have an attitude of caring and taking care of each other, and have a few skills that are not difficult to learn, the pain can be completely relieved. A woman who has been married for many years has been experiencing pain during sexual intercourse since her child was born. She said, "It hurts every time I have a third-degree cervical erosion. He and I never discuss this issue. I always try to please him. He asks me how I feel and I always say it's good. He gets upset when I say it's not good. I think he is incurable. If I say it hurts, he says I have a problem, that I am a 'Er Yi Zi' (a person who is neither male nor female), a 'man born in a female fetus'. I argue that he is responsible for this, and he says that our bodies are not compatible."
"I have been in extreme pain for two years since I got married. In fact, my hymen has never been completely broken. The worse it gets, the more I have to do it. As a result, there was a period of time when I felt fear as soon as it got dark. I was afraid when I thought about doing this, and I felt like I was being tortured. He said, I don’t want to do it when I see you like this, as if I am bullying you. Once I went to see another gynecologist, and the doctor asked, you are not married yet? I said I was married. She said your hymen has not been broken, there are some marks on it, but it has not been broken. We had been married for two years at that time. Later, she asked me to call my husband and gave us some advice. It got better afterwards."
Some women, because they are too embarrassed to communicate with their men, have long endured a sex life that is only painful but not joyful: "I have never liked doing this. Sometimes I can think about other things while doing it. I think about my math problems while he does his. It usually doesn't hurt, but sometimes it does. Now that I am older, I have less secretions and my body is not as good as before. I feel like it is a piece of paper there, without elasticity. It feels like it is about to be torn apart, like being tortured, so I grit my teeth and bear it."
One respondent thought her sister was frigid: "My sister always bleeds during sex. Whenever her husband asks her for sex, she gets nervous and trembles, so they rarely do it."
An intellectual woman views sex this way: "I just want to make out and caress, but I don't want to do this. It hurts, and I have to wash afterward, which is very troublesome."
Dissatisfaction caused by low libido "I always feel very tired and sleepy. I feel that doing this will delay my sleep, and I always have to wait until the children fall asleep before I can do anything. We have never had any disputes about this. Sometimes I don't want to do it, so I say I have a cold, and he immediately says, 'Okay, don't say it, I understand.' His demands are not particularly strong."
A woman who has an unhappy sex life with her husband said: "I once had a lover and had sexual relations with him. He had had many women and was a very experienced person in this regard, much more experienced than my husband. But he couldn't make me like this either. He tried for a long time and finally said: Why can't I arouse you? I have never met anyone like you.
He annoys me to death, and I can't stand it any more. It feels better than my husband, but it still doesn't make me particularly fond of this kind of thing. Through my contact with him, I have cleared up the doubts in my heart. When there is no comparison, I can't be sure whether I don't like it because the other party does not do it well; after the comparison, I think maybe I really don't like this thing. ”
A divorced woman shared her experience of sexual indifference: "We have been married for six years, and we have no sexual happiness. At that time, there was no propaganda or education in society, and no one talked about this on the street. I was very nervous every time I did this. He worked in the Public Security Bureau. One time he told me that I had seen the yellow tapes seized from gangster gangs, and the women on the tapes were humming while doing this. I didn't understand, and asked, what are you humming about? He didn't say anything. I was afraid of having an abortion, I was disgusted mentally and suffered physically. My ex-husband was tall and handsome. Sometimes he wanted to do it and I didn't, and I would argue with him. Sometimes I would compromise and deal with him. Neither of us ever talked about this matter. He is not a rude person, but very restrained."
"In the first two or three months after we got married, because his foreskin was too long and there was dirt inside, I got vaginitis twice in a row and there was blood in my urine. I blamed him for this and I had no interest in sex. Plus, our relationship wasn't very good to begin with, so it affected my mood."
"I was sexually apathetic for a while. I was disgusted when people gave me pornographic movies. My lover was also indifferent to this. He asked me if I was sexually apathetic. He understood me very well and loved to study me."
"My body developed early, but my brain developed late. In college, I had no idea when other people were dating. I remember a boy tried to get along with me. He invited me to go shopping with him and said to me: Everyone in your class is dating. I said: Huh? I don't know. Later I had a boyfriend. I felt that I really liked him. I always wanted to see him, play with him, and chat with him. But I didn't like him hugging and kissing me. I hated those actions. At that time, our school had a rule that prohibited dating, so I used this as an excuse to break up with him. Later I got married and had children, but I never liked hugging and kissing. I felt that deep kissing was especially uncomfortable, and I didn't like men's touch. It seemed that I didn't like the feeling of touch physically. It can be said that I don't like anything except sexual intercourse."
"He told me that I felt inferior to my body. He gave me confidence, and from then on I felt that this kind of thing was more natural. He asked me what I would like him to do, and I said I would like you to hold me and talk to me. I like the peaceful love that my father has."
A woman who has been married for more than ten years said: "It was only in the past two years that I stopped being disgusted, disgusted and afraid of this thing, but I have never felt pleasure. My husband has the habit of masturbation. He thinks masturbation is stronger than sexual intercourse, so masturbation feels better than sexual intercourse."
"I seem to be a rather cold person. He once said, 'I doubt whether you can get pregnant.'"
"My husband and I met through an introduction. He had dated several girls before, all of whom were introduced by others, because there were no people of my age in our unit, and the others were all married.
When I first got married, I had a "cold uterus", which means I had no interest in sex. It wasn't because it hurt or I was embarrassed, I just didn't like it. I have felt pleasure before, but it was very rare. He is very energetic, but I am sleepy and always want to sleep. Sometimes he can feel something when he touches it, or when he is on a business trip alone and has been away for a long time, he can also feel something. ”
"I only like two people to be sticky and affectionate, I don't like anything else. I feel best not during sex, but during intimate caressing. It doesn't feel good to get straight to the point. He read what he wrote in the book and wanted to do some fancy things, but I didn't cooperate. Because I don't like this thing in the first place, it's unnecessary to do those fancy things."
"My husband knows that he should spend more time with women, but he always keeps it short, no longer than a minute. He also always complains that I am tight and astringent. I rarely get excited, and it is even more uncomfortable when I do. As soon as I get excited, he comes out right after entering, and I feel even more lost. He turned this into a very tiring thing. I was very shy at the time. He asked me to cooperate with him and hold my hand when I ejaculated to prevent premature ejaculation. I felt that it destroyed the mystery. After that, I really didn't like doing this and didn't want to do it anymore."
Some women have a fearful feeling about sexual intercourse. One woman said: "Men have hideous faces when they do this. It's scary."
Some women's sexual indifference is caused by a lack of affection for their spouses. A woman who divorced her husband due to emotional discord recalled her feelings about her husband's genitals: "Once he took off his pants under the influence of alcohol and showed his thing. It was so long and big that I quickly closed my eyes. I haven't had a good look at that thing in all the years I've been married."
A woman who doesn't like sex said: "We may have problems. Neither he nor I have been well developed. But I don't regret it. If we had a good feeling before and don't have it now, we will feel regretful; if we have never known a better feeling, we will not regret it."
A woman who dislikes sex said of her sister: "My sister is just like me. She doesn't like it. My brother-in-law is a very reserved person. My sister says it's very boring. She has to do it every time. There's really no other way. She just hopes it's over as soon as possible."
“I got pregnant six months after I got married. After I got pregnant, I had a bad temper and didn’t allow him to touch me.
He didn't touch me for a year. I could see that he was in pain, but he wouldn't dare to touch me unless I let him. ”
A woman who has passed menopause said: "Later, he could not have an erection because of poor health. It might be too early to stop before the age of 60. After not having sex, I also felt that it was unnecessary. Sometimes I have orgasms in my dreams, which I think is caused by kidney deficiency. Our sex life has always been at a low level."
Why is it that an activity that is considered a great enjoyment by some women in the world is looked down upon by others? Is the quality of life of the latter necessarily lower than that of the former? Judging from the survey, it seems that women with low sexual desire are not necessarily dissatisfied with their lives. That is to say, at least in subjective feeling, sexual activity is not necessarily proportional to the quality of life. Indeed, if we evaluate a person's quality of life based on the great thinker Foucault's theory of "experience" (including "extreme experience"), people with low sexual desire will lose many "experiences" in life and even the ability to feel happiness. Foucault once made a wonderful statement in an interview with a reporter: "I think happiness is a very difficult behavior... I hope to die from excessive happiness, any kind of happiness." What will a person's life be like if she loses the ability to feel happiness? |
