Cherish the girl who gave you her first time (urban life adult novel)

This is my true emotional experience. Whenever I recall this past, I feel heartbroken for my former ignorance, cowardice, helplessness and escapism. I decided to write this story in the hope that brothers who have the same idea as I did at the time will not make the same mistake as me.

I have had four girlfriends, three classmates and one online friend. When they were with me, there were three virgins (excluding the online friend). One was my high school classmate, one was my college classmate (Xiao Jing, my first time and her first time), and one was my current girlfriend. This story happened when I was in college, and the heroine is Xiaojing.

Eight years ago, I was admitted to university and was completely liberated from the three years of repressive life in high school. All the depression disappeared on the day I received the admission letter. After two months of relaxation during the summer vacation, I dragged my tired body to report for school. I saw her for the first time at the school gate: slender figure, fair skin, and a pretty face that looked a little immature because she was not wearing any makeup. "Little girl" was my first impression of her. Since taxis were prohibited from entering the campus, she stood helplessly at the door, looking around, with two backpacks and a huge trolley case at her feet.

"Damn, even the beautiful girls don't go over to help. These bastards who think they are well-read really don't know how to be gentle with ladies and have no sympathy." I looked down upon the 'elites' at the university. Since I live locally and don't have much luggage, I went over to say hello in a friendly manner and helped carry my things. Naturally, we began to get to know each other. Her name was Xiaojing. She majored in measurement and control at the School of Mechanical Engineering and was from Wuxi, Jiangsu. I always thought that there were few girls studying science and engineering, and they all looked poor. The School of Mechanical Engineering is the best among them (how can a beautiful girl study such a major?!), so I have been troubled by choosing the computer major, and at the same time I deeply sympathize with the male students in the School of Mechanical Engineering. (It seems that nothing is absolute, there are also pure and pleasing things). I was out of breath halfway through the walk. The two big backpacks were extremely heavy. I had no idea what was in them and why the girls were moving so fast. After finally sending her to the place, when I was about to visit the girls' dormitory, I was stopped outside by the door aunt: "This is the girls' dormitory, boys are not allowed to enter." I compromised and said: "Auntie, look at these three big bags, let me help her take them up." The aunt was firm in her position: "I'll help her get them." Facing the 'kind-hearted' aunt, I was so angry that my teeth itched. Although I was reluctant to leave, in order to establish a tall image in the heart of the beautiful girl, I turned around and left with a kind smile on my face. I returned to the dormitory and realized that I forgot to leave my phone number! 'God is jealous of talented people! 'I glared at the blind God, 'What bad luck!' But I could only shake my head helplessly. Generally speaking, there is no good ending when you go against God.

After two days of rest, the military training began, and for the first time I realized the abnormality of military life. Standing in the queue, I looked tiredly at the girls opposite me who were tanned like little black radishes. My heart was as pure as a baby's, without a trace of evil thoughts, and I didn't even have the energy to think crookedly. After every training day, I would feel that eating was a waste of time, washing was unnecessary, and the ladder leading to the bed was so long. That period of time will be unforgettable for me. The physical and mental exhaustion made me not have any erotic dreams for half a month! But the fact that I have an erection every morning proves that I have not lost my reproductive ability.

Although the years were hard, they passed quickly, but left black memories on our faces. At the opening ceremony, the potato-like faces announced that the annual military training for freshmen had ended and the wonderful university life had officially begun. I was sitting alone in the cafeteria, closing my eyes and fantasizing about the arrival of a happy sexual life in college. Just when I was about to drool from my fantasy, a clear and sweet voice rang in my ears, "Hello." "Woman!?" I woke up suddenly and shook my head vigorously, trying to drive those dirty thoughts out of my brain, and my upright face returned to my face. I glanced at the girl who smiled at me. She looked the same as the first time we met, except that her face was a little darker, but she looked very healthy. Her semi-long hair was tied into a cute ponytail at the back of her head: "Do you remember me?" "Of course I do, Xiaojing, right?" I answered very friendly and suppressed the "I remember all the beauties" that was about to come out of my mouth. "Thank you for that day, otherwise I really don't know how to get home." "You're welcome, it's my duty to help others." In fact, I never help old ladies cross the road, and I never give money to the police if I find it. I have done helpful things so many times that I can count them on the fingers of one hand.

Then, we walked around the campus together. Having learned from the last lesson, we exchanged phone numbers this time... "Who is that girl?" The third brother couldn't wait to ask as soon as we entered the dormitory. "Which one?" "Damn! How many do you have? It's the one you were taking around the campus with." "Oh" So I told them how I met Xiaojing. "You acted quickly enough. The school just started and you succeeded?" "We are just ordinary friends." I said guiltily, feeling a little guilty for the bad intentions in my heart just now. "We can still develop into ordinary friends. It's only been a few days, so take your time." The fourth brother spoke with the tone of an experienced person. "Quiet, quiet." The boss looked serious, then turned his head and smiled at me lasciviously, which made me feel creepy. There was a little bit of mystery in the smile, and the rest was vulgar and dirty: "Did you kiss her just now?" I couldn't catch my breath, and half of the water in my mouth sprayed out: "Fuck, I haven't even held her hand, how come you are full of thieves and whores, isn't this a provocation to my character!?" "Then you have to hurry up, if you are too late it won't be your turn." The third brother looked a little gloating. "It's not your turn then, just give up." The boss was worried about me: "Those mechanical guys are so ruthless. Such a pretty girl is left there... hehe..." "Then I have to investigate first to see if there is any better." I was still very ambitious at that time, but I was a little impatient inside. "You take him first, and then we'll talk about it later when we find a suitable one. Select widely and focus on training." The third brother interjected. "Am I that kind of person? You're such a beast, you're not even a human being." Although I said this, I was a little moved.

A few nights later, my roommates went out to have a meal together. We drank a little too much and talked about Xiaojing and me in a daze (no wonder, when men drink, they only talk about bragging and women). I did hear that someone was pursuing Xiaojing these days. Xiaojing told me this very subtly. Instigated by a group of bad friends and influenced by the theorem that "alcohol makes cowards bolder", I plucked up the courage to send Xiaojing a text message that I would never send when I was sober - "Xiaojing, I like you, I dream about you every night, will you be my girlfriend?" (After sobering up the next day, I looked at this "love letter" that had no literary style at all, and couldn't help but doubt Xiaojing's taste. She was actually won over by such a poor skill.) Time passed by minute by minute, and half an hour later, just when I was desperate, Xiaojing sent me a text message, "Where are you now?" "In the dormitory, talking to my brothers about us." I went against my conscience and didn't dare to say that I was drinking and bragging outside. At the same time, I comforted myself that "the second half of the sentence was the truth" and I didn't lie. "I've never been in a relationship, you won't lie to me, right?" Xiao Jing replied quickly this time. "I'm not a bad person, why do you say that to me? This is my first time too. I just like you. If you disagree, just tell me. There's no need to doubt my character." I pretended to be indignant, but in my heart I was admiring Xiaojing's sharpness. I could only lie with my eyes open (in fact, at that time I didn't believe that Xiaojing had never had a relationship before. Only later did I find out that everything Xiaojing said to me was true, and I only said one true sentence in all three text messages. Such a person's character is really not good.) "Come and pick me up downstairs of the dormitory at 6:30 tomorrow morning and have breakfast together." "Okay, see you then." I pinched my face and it hurt a little. I wasn't dreaming.

"Were you really in the dormitory yesterday?" Xiaojing asked me at breakfast the next day. "Yes, why are you asking?" I was a little unsure, so I added, "We've been chatting, talking about us." "Oh, nothing, then... when did you start to like me?" Xiao Jing's face turned a little red, and when she said the second half of the sentence, I could only stretch my ears and listen hard. 'We are not thieves, why are you speaking so quietly? Secretively, as if committing adultery. 'I muttered to myself. "I fell in love with you the moment I saw you on the day I reported for duty, but I never had the courage to say it out loud." I also pretended to be shy. "Haha, then you felt embarrassed yesterday?" Xiao Jing asked a little cunningly. "It was also under everyone's education and the encouragement of my roommates that I got. It would be so uncomfortable to keep it in my heart. At worst I would be rejected and we could continue to be friends." As for how they encouraged me, I dare not say it. If I did, I would probably get a slap in the face. "Is this really your first time with a girlfriend?" "Why are you doubting me again? I really am." "Haha, not really." I guess girls are naturally more sensitive about this. This is all I can think. Under my guidance and questioning, Xiao Jing told me why she suspected that I was not in the dormitory - it turned out that after she received my text message, she ran to the downstairs of my dormitory alone and wanted to talk to me face to face. She asked me this because she realized that the lights were not on. That’s also why it took Xiaojing so long to reply to the first text message. Hearing this, I was a little moved and held her hand tightly for the first time. "Huh? When did you start to like me?" Seeing that Xiaojing no longer had any doubts, I also relaxed. "Why are you asking this?" Xiaojing asked back. "..., you asked me first?! I just want to return the visit." I was still trying to make sense. "Eat quickly, it will get cold soon and we still have class." "..." Just like that, I was 'tricked' into giving it to Xiao Jing without knowing it.

Thus, Xiaojing and I began our three-and-a-half-year relationship. As the saying goes, good fortune never comes alone, and misfortune never comes singly. This is really true. Just when I was immersed in happiness, tragedy arrived quietly. Due to excessive indulgence, I failed two courses in the first semester of my freshman year, while Xiaojing got a scholarship. It goes without saying how big a blow this was to my self-esteem. Looking at the report card in my hand, I felt a little shaky. “I answered quite a few questions, so how did I get such a low score? The teacher is really incompetent.” How could I hold my head up in front of Xiaojing in the future?

For the sake of my dignity as a man, I reduced my time of indulgence in the following semester and started studying with Xiaojing (I have never failed a course since then, and I am very grateful to Xiaojing). Although there were fewer laughs and joys, the relationship between Xiaojing and I made rapid progress. Except for the last hurdle, we did everything I could think of. Xiaojing is very nice to me. She would give me a little surprise every once in a while and would also take the initiative to wash my smelly jersey, which often touched me.

The peaceful days ended in the first semester of my junior year. One of my friend had his birthday that day, so I took Xiaojing to celebrate with him. There were a lot of people there, and it was very lively. The first time I introduced Xiaojing to my best friends, I could see the nervousness on Xiaojing's face and the surprise on my brothers' faces. "Xiao Jing, it's a pity for you to be with him, why don't you reconsider it?" "That's right, it's a waste of you!" She seemed very happy listening to the teasing of her brothers, especially the compliments to her. During the meal, Xiaojing sat quietly next to me, listening to me and my brothers chatting nonsense. Occasionally, she would quietly pull me and signal me to drink less. The party was over and it was almost midnight. Since the dormitory was locked, we had to stay in a nearby hotel (although I could have asked the door to be opened, but I didn't want to cause trouble for the doorkeeper). In the face of Xiaojing's weak objection, I pulled her into the room with a blushing face. As soon as I entered the room, I hugged her and started kissing her. We had done this before, and Xiaojing didn't resist too much. Then at my strong request, we took a bath together. Although it was not the first time I saw Xiaojing's body, it still made me feel sad to see that she was 1.65 meters tall but weighed only 45 kilograms. It seemed that Xiaojing saw the irreversible situation. Before walking out of the bathroom, she asked me seriously: "Will you be with me in the future?" "Yes, you will always be my wife." This irresponsible remark was just said casually at the time, but it became the biggest lie of my life.

That night, Xiaojing and I hardly slept. It was the first time for both of us, so we were a little clumsy. Although I have watched a lot of porn and considered myself experienced, it was only when I really put it into practice that I discovered the gap between reality and fantasy. Xiaojing kept crying out in pain, and I was so anxious that I was sweating all over. After trying all the methods I could remember, it took more than two hours before I finally conquered Xiaojing's stubborn hymen. At this time, Xiaojing's face was covered with tears from the pain. I gently lay on Xiaojing's body and carefully picked up the handkerchief stained with her blood (because of this, Xiaojing kept saying that I was a pervert, but I never got an answer as to what had changed about me. In the end, she still managed to take the precious handkerchief away, and I guess she was silenced). In order to comfort her, I tried my best and slowly heard her gasps with a hint of pleasure. However, I was already exhausted and she still did it to me twice. In my heart, I cursed porn movies for being harmful, but I want to tell you all solemnly: women definitely don’t just scream like they do in the movies after being penetrated once or twice! I really underestimated Xiaojing's ability and overestimated myself, which seriously hurt my chauvinistic self-esteem. In order to prove my strength, I had sex with Xiaojing four times, but the facts told me that a virgin is much stronger than a virgin. If I hurt her body, she would hurt my dignity. Although Xiao Jing told me afterwards that she felt very comfortable, I was just forcing myself to smile. The first time I only took less than five minutes, and the second time I barely lasted ten minutes. Such results made me more embarrassed than failing the exam (I checked online later and realized that my results were already very good). The next morning, we said goodbye to our virginity and walked out of the hotel, carrying with us a little bit of the tragic feeling of sharing the same fate and the happiness of going to Wushan together. Fortunately, I didn't have classes that day. I felt groggy the whole day, severely exhausted, with sore waist and knees, but I couldn't fall asleep when I lay down. Xiao Jing wasn't asleep either. She called me with her eyes closed. Couple cards are really harmful. Why are calls between two cards free of charge? This is a serious violation of China Mobile's usual unscrupulous practices.

From then on, the relationship between Xiaojing and I changed subtly. Xiaojing became more strict with me, not only in terms of study, but also in terms of my personal hygiene and the time I spent with her. We still go to that hotel occasionally and ask for the same room. Unlike other classmates, we did not rent a house together. We both had a tacit understanding on this point. Girls are shy and afraid that classmates would know that we are together, but what should I be afraid of? I still haven’t figured it out. Anyway, it's much more exciting to have some passion occasionally than to be together every day. Xiaojing also started dressing the way I liked, but she never wore heavy makeup because she knew I didn’t like it. Her waist was so thin that it was almost as thick as my thigh, and she kept saying she wanted to lose weight. Later, I was afraid that she would have anorexia, so I forced her to eat, and only then did this situation improve. And I can also feel that her attachment to me is growing stronger and stronger.

As graduation approached, Xiaojing and I had been avoiding the sensitive issue: we lived in different cities, thousands of miles apart, so how to be together was indeed a difficult question for us. But problems will always come, no matter how hard you try to avoid them, they will eventually have to be solved. One evening in the second half of my senior year, Xiaojing and I came to the hotel room where we had our first meeting. She looked at me with tears in her eyes, which made me feel a little sad. Then for the whole night, we went almost crazy. The ominous premonition made me desperately vent and I dared not think about it. This time, Xiaojing screamed and shouted wildly, losing her usual quietness and reserve, until we were exhausted. Xiao Jing leaned on my chest and was silent for a long time before she broke the silence: "I'm going back soon. My family has found a job for me." "Really? That's great." I really didn't know whether to congratulate her or comfort her. "Are you willing to go to Wuxi? If you go, I'll ask my father to arrange a job for you." 'I will never be a gigolo,' I found a plausible excuse for myself. But I know in my heart that my parents will never allow me to leave them, and can I really leave them? I tried to remain calm: "Can you stay? Let's take the postgraduate entrance exam together." "What about after you finish your postgraduate studies?" "..." I knew I couldn't convince her to stay, just like she couldn't convince me to leave.

That day was the last time we went to the familiar room. After that, Xiao Jing never called me or sent me a text message. She deliberately avoided me and we haven’t even met once. I didn’t expect that I hurt her so deeply. Soon the day of graduation arrived, and my classmates were on their way home one after another. I watched Xiaojing leave by the flower bed not far from her dormitory. I saw her looking around with expectant eyes. I wanted to rush over and keep her several times, but I knew that was impossible. I didn't even have the courage to go over and say goodbye to her. Looking at her receding back, I realized that everything I once had was so important to me and how hard I wanted to let go of it. From now on, I may never see my Xiaojing again. I returned to the dormitory with heavy steps. The boss was unusually serious: "Xiaojing is gone?" I nodded, "Did you see her off?" "No." I felt very uncomfortable, "She wrote a letter to you." The boss looked at me with a puzzled look and added, "She gave it to me the day before yesterday. She asked me to give it to you after she left." I opened the letter, and there were only two sentences on it - I gave you everything I could give you, but you only gave me a promise that cannot be fulfilled. Did you really like me? The weather outside was not drizzling like in the TV dramas. The scorching sun was burning my fragile heart, and my mood was cloudy. If I had not taken her virginity, maybe I would feel better now.

Postscript: Four years have passed, and Xiaojing has never contacted me again. She deleted all contact information related to me: phone and QQ. After working for two years, I returned to my alma mater to continue my master's studies. Looking at the familiar yet unfamiliar campus, I feel a lot of emotions. The person I loved is no longer here, but I can still see the couple relying on each other on the path I once walked on. A year ago, I met my current girlfriend, my junior, a young master's student who had just enrolled in software engineering. She is four years younger than me. Her fair face is somewhat similar to Xiaojing, and even her figure is similar. She is so thin that it makes people feel distressed. It felt somewhat familiar to me as I held her hand while walking on the road. Even though that was a past that I didn't want to recall, I also knew that Xiaojing had left an indelible mark in my heart. The difference is that the distance between her home and mine is less than ten kilometers.

So many years have passed, and I thought I had forgotten the pain. However, a few days ago, a message flashed on my QQ that a strange number had added me as a friend, breaking the memory of the past, even though I was invisible. I originally wanted to turn it off, but the verification content made me unable to believe my eyes: I’m getting married tomorrow, Jing. I added her as my friend frantically and talked to her desperately, but there was no response. It was just a number she applied for temporarily just to send this message. But what comforts me is that she still keeps the only contact information for me. My heart was broken that night, and I seemed to be able to feel Xiaojing's feelings when she left reluctantly four years ago and the pain when she left that letter. And I left her nothing but pain.

Stop by and take a look. . . Push it. . .
move! I cry! But it doesn't mean I'm a sissy~~~~~
I don't think I can leave for a day.