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Establishing a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship is not an easy process. When you see couples on the street,
Some of them are actually destined to be together since childhood sweethearts, while others are the result of one party's long wait, struggle and resistance.
Anyway, no matter which angle you look at it from, I personally think that the formation of boyfriend and girlfriend must go through the following four stages:
Meet → Attract → Dating → Maintain Meet: Whether you are classmates, work in the same company, are introduced by friends, or even meet on the street or make friends online,
Everything that happens always has a beginning.
Attraction: If you are a boy, the traditional saying is that when you start "pursuing", your goal is to convince the girl to like you.
Dating: An agreement between a man and a woman to be together. In addition to verbally acknowledging each other, a certain degree of physical relationship also occurs.
Maintenance: After becoming boyfriend and girlfriend, the common task for both parties is how to maintain your relationship and even make it more loving.
Some boys are obviously in good condition, why can’t they get a girlfriend? The reason is that he has no channels to get to know girls and does not know how to create opportunities for "encountering".
Of course, what else can you talk about if you don’t even have a partner?
Picking up someone is a science in itself, but the prerequisite is that you must have the courage to act. A simple sentence "Classmate, can I get to know you?"
Try using a generous and sincere tone, and I believe at least half of the girls will continue chatting with you. The key is whether you dare to try.
What is the secret to love? Or what is the key to success in love? I will tell you without hesitation:
•It's not about calling or texting frequently•It's not about sending gifts or treating people to dinner•It's not about being attentive and courteous•It's not about praising people all the time•It's not about planning how to confess your love•It's not about making promises that can't be fulfilled•It's not about being hopelessly romantic•It's not about candlelight dinners at Fisherman's Wharf•That's right, these are what most people think are the things that should be done to pursue a girl.
You have to make her like you too!
The so-called "attraction" means making girls fall in love with you involuntarily.
The problem is, most guys don't understand what attraction is. To make matters worse, the advice about relationships in the market is
Most of them focus on how to please, how to do thoughtful things to impress the girl, and how to find an opportunity to confess.
Little do people know that this is probably the worst advice ever.
They don't understand that doing these things doesn't mean the other person will like you.
Because flattery is just flattery, and consideration is just consideration, but neither of them equals attraction.
To be honest, these are just little tricks to curry favor with girls.
What about your carefully crafted confession? I think I'll just throw it in the recycle bin.
The reason is simple. Confessing is equivalent to revealing your cards to your opponent for reference, which is equivalent to directly handing over the dominant position to the other party.
In other words, these typical pursuit behaviors will often only make her less attracted to you!
Of course, there are always exceptions. I don't deny that some girls may be "touched" by you, even if they have never had a crush on you.
But because you have really paid too much for her, out of conscience, or because there is no better choice,
She may try to convince herself that she likes you.
This is like hypnotizing yourself that bitter melon is sweet.
Of course, everyone living in the real world knows that the probability of such an exception occurring is really not very high.
Try not to go the route of "impressing the girl" unless you are sure that the other person likes you.
Otherwise, most of the time, they are asking for trouble.
So what should you do to make girls fall in love with you? What are the main components of "attraction"?
Let me provide some clues:
Mystery, curiosity, dominance, sense of security, ambiguity, uncertainty, desire stimulation, emotional transfer, physical contact, physiological reaction, interpersonal evidence,
Competitors, nonverbal communication… and so on.
Each of the above groups of keywords represents an important concept.
Girls’ logic is very interesting. It’s also a thoughtful gesture, and if it’s done by a boy she likes, she’ll feel flattered;
If it's a boy she doesn't like, she will even feel disgusted: "Disgusting, don't bother me!"
This is why I personally am not completely against occasional flattery and thoughtfulness, nor am I against occasional praise and compliments.
The condition is that it must be based on attraction.
In other words, if you can make a girl like you, everything will be fine.
This concept is really important. Instead of focusing on the girl, trying to please her, worship her, and pursue her, why don't you jump out of that box,
Turn the focus back to yourself, focus on exerting attraction, and finally making her like you?
Strengthen your mental qualities! "Attitude" is the most important!
The reason why many boys cannot improve their love skills is that they are too emotional and do not know how to learn from failure.
However, a common characteristic of many winners in love is that they have a FUN attitude and a mindset of accumulating experience points.
If you are the shy guy, you need to think outside of your box and try to interact more with girls.
Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do what needs to be done, otherwise things won't move forward.
It’s okay to be rejected a few times, the important thing is, have you changed?
The more nervous you are and the more you want to pursue a certain girl, the higher your chances of failure.
On the contrary, the more you hold an "indifferent" attitude, the higher your chances of success will be.
Although it sounds mysterious, it actually has a theoretical basis. Because when you are dating a girl, if you don't easily invest your true feelings,
At the same time, focus on being attractive. If the other person is confused by you and tries to guess why you do that, you are already halfway successful.
Let me tell you: when a girl becomes curious about you, it is often a sign that she likes you, and it never fails.
The most criticized thing about many infatuated men is that they are too "loyal". Their mentality is very strange, there are always beautiful women in the world,
But they would rather waste two or three years repeatedly pursuing a girl who they cannot get from the beginning. They think that is the spirit of the founding father.
I think it's more like self-abuse.
They made the mistake of putting all their eggs in one basket. If you are still single today, I suggest you adopt a "multi-goal strategy".
Go out with multiple different girls. This is not being fickle, this is called selection and evaluation!
Recently, a reader wrote to me, complaining that girls nowadays are all obsessed with appearance. He said that girls would never be attracted to a guy with such poor conditions as him.
I don’t deny that external conditions are important. Just like playing Big Two, you have good luck with the cards, but if you are not in good condition, you will feel inferior.
If you constantly worry that girls will dislike you, you will only highlight your insecurities about yourself, and the vicious cycle will only confirm your original beliefs.
In the end, you are defeated by yourself, and your attractiveness completely collapses. Success = mentality + method + experience. What women desire deepest in their hearts is called "security"!
The so-called "sense of security" refers to a feeling of being "protected". This is why women prefer tall and resourceful men.
This is no accident, for these traits, in a way, symbolize a man capable of protecting her.
However, many men misunderstand "security". They think that women want a man who is obedient and not unfaithful.
Therefore, they go too far in correcting their mistakes. They are always respectful to women, responding to their requests, and are unlikely to have any affairs. But what they don't understand is that
This kind of overly submissive behavior is seen as "weak" in the eyes of women.
The reasons why women test men are:
1. See how much you like her;
2. See what is the limit of your willingness to pay;
3. See if you can "restrain" her instead.
The reason why nice men are not popular is that they only know how to "give". On the surface, women also say they hope men will treat them well.
As a result, these men can't figure it out and mistakenly believe that what women want is their endless flattery and sacrifice.
The paradox is that what a woman really wants is a man who is not dominated by her.
The point is, you have to make her feel that you're the kind of man who won't tolerate her "bad behavior."
You have to make her feel that if she really goes too far, you're the kind of man who's ready to leave at any time.
When you establish this feeling in your interactions, paradoxically, women will often hold on to you in return.
If you are a boy with mediocre innate conditions, the chances of girls naturally liking you are not high.
So of course you need to make up for your shortcomings in this area through acquired efforts.
Changes in personality traits and thinking patterns. This process takes time to incubate and internalize! At first you have to try to change, and it may feel a little unnatural.
But you can't say he is "pretending". Think of it from another perspective: this is learning, from the inside out, until it becomes a part of yourself.
The Story of the Bad Dolphin How to train wild dolphins? The dolphin is smart but bad. It still doesn't obey after eating the fish given by the trainer.
Later, the trainer came up with a method, which was to give the dolphins a whole bucket of fish at a time, and then stop giving them more after they had their full meal.
The panicked dolphin was shocked by the trainer's 180-degree change and began to do everything he could to please the trainer.
Gradually, it discovered that when it performed the actions required by the trainer correctly, the trainer would reward it with a fish.
After repeated actions, the bad dolphin turned into a good dolphin.
What did we learn from the story just now? Although men and women should be sincere to each other, even dolphins need to use some skills to deal with it.
I believe it's not too much if you use some tricks in the process of pursuing girls.
This is why I am very opposed to the persistent offensive, because it is probably the most crude and uncreative method.
Remember, your goal is to inspire a girl's imagination about you. If you are used to the strategy of constantly pleasing girls, I suggest you withdraw at the right time.
In order to achieve the effect of retreating to advance. Because while you are cooling down a little, the girl will start to feel uneasy and she will start to have wild thoughts:
"Doesn't he like me anymore? Could he have a new target..." But what she doesn't understand is that when she starts to have these concerns about you,
Your importance will increase, and the chances of her liking you will increase as well, like a chain reaction.
My advice: Don’t do everything with the goal of pleasing girls;
• His eyes reveal confidence and he knows what he wants;
•Have principles about certain things and don’t deliberately modify them just because girls are present;
• Treat beautiful and ugly women equally to some extent;
•Keep a sense of mystery and don’t exhaust yourself just to pursue a girl;
•There are always more important goals to achieve in life than girls;
•If a girl goes too far, she can leave at any time;
• Do not hold a coercive attitude and respect girls’ decisions;
•Won’t cling like a fly!
Why, from ancient times to the present, have so many smart and independent women never learned their lesson, but are repeatedly attracted to such "bad" men?
The new generation’s terminology is strange, and today if you are described as a “nice person” it’s actually not a nice person at all. As far as I know,
This phrase is most often used to mean a shirt tucked in, speaking politely, obeying the law, time and rules,
A love-struck man who is still waiting after being rejected N times.
It's not that it's bad to have clothes tucked in, but the woman's subconscious tells her that this man must be very picky, or he is a good boy.
Since I was young, I dared not disobey my parents and teachers. Otherwise, it would be a strange era now, and even clothes would still be so restrictive.
The so-called "bad guys" not only dress stylishly and have personality, but also are not shy when facing women and know how to laugh and scold with women.
The proper measure in words and conversations was struck just right. They have a natural attitude towards life and don't get overly dependent on or overly concerned about anything.
They will not wait for a woman passionately, because they are more self-centered, even narcissistic, and may leave at any time.
This is even more lethal to beautiful women who are usually held in the palm of their hands by men. Because of this, he ends up becoming the one being pursued by women.
Moreover, this kind of man exudes a rebellious aura. If a woman interprets it, rebellion represents ability and courage: "To be bad, you need the capital and ability to be bad." The key is often attitude.
Many people would take things out of context and think that being "bad" means imitating others to smoke, drink, take drugs and cheat. Yes, that is a kind of rebellion.
I don't deny that some immature girls will be attracted to you because of this. But this would definitely not be my advice.
The "badness" that I want you to cultivate is not bad behavior, but more of an attitude, a sense of security that comes from within.
Just because you are very secure in yourself, when women smell this trait in you, they are often attracted to you involuntarily.
On the contrary, the more you hold an "indifferent" attitude, the higher your chances of success will be.
What a woman desires deep down in her heart is called "security"! |
