|
Many couples divorce because of sexual disharmony, and they place their hopes on a new marriage. Is it because of the poor sex life? No, it can’t. Below we will introduce to you several steps of sexual intercourse between couples. Let’s take a look. A remarried woman asked this question: "Are some people particularly good at sex? My ex-husband was a master at sex, which was the only bright spot in our unhappy marriage. My new husband is a first-time marriage. He and I are in perfect harmony spiritually and in life, but when it comes to sex, there is nothing to miss. Will I never have a happy sex life again?"
What this woman raised is also a very common phenomenon. She is worried that after transitioning from a failed marriage to a stable marriage, although one conflict is resolved, a new conflict will arise, and she will not be able to achieve the sexual satisfaction she originally enjoyed. She is now just reminiscing about the past instead of working hard to recreate a high-quality sexual relationship. In fact, it is not difficult for her to transform her husband into the man of her dreams.
In fact, this does not require any high-tech means, but it does require some high-level thinking, feelings and communication. You need to be prepared in the following five aspects and be able to cooperate well with your husband.
1. Understand your own love schema. The sexual process begins with mutual attraction and gradually stimulates sexual desire. The so-called love schema is the necessary condition for a person to go through the sexual process smoothly, and everyone's love schema is special. For example, some people will feel passionate when seeing cold statues, while others may need a long time and multi-faceted efforts to be aroused. These preferences begin early in life and are formed gradually as they grow up. Everyone is like this and there is nothing mysterious about it. In fact, the ignition of sexual desire does not necessarily require many physical advantages. In fact, there are too many factors that can make a person respond sexually, such as sound, smell, subtle habits, various behavioral characteristics, and even just a look can make a person burn with desire, but these are often beyond his consciousness.
Since you have had touching sexual experiences in the past, why worry about not having a happy sex life again? If a person knows how to arouse himself, he can draw on past experiences and let the new partner understand this effective pre-caressing technique, allowing the other person to act at his own pace and according to his own special needs. The closer the other person's behavioral characteristics are to your own love schema, the smoother the transition from attraction to sexual arousal will be. Of course, this stimulation technique is not static; it also changes with time, objects, environment, etc. One approach that may help is to make a comparative table of the performances of two men she has met during sexual arousal to see if there is any overlap between their actions, or which man is better at what, from which she can identify the characteristics and needs of her own love schema. At this time, you can focus on the strengths of your current partner and find ways to overcome or make up for his or her weaknesses.
2. Understand your own sexual arousal conditions. Through the above efforts, you can summarize and analyze the factors that can first attract your attention and make you sexually aroused. Then pay attention to maintaining or more consciously doing it well. For example, what was your most exciting sexual experience? Why did it leave such a deep impression on you?
Where is your arousal zone? What is effective stimulation for you? What kind of touch and stimulation of which parts can make you more aroused? What kind of words or silence can make your sexual energy burst out? Also, before sex, have you done all the housework? Have you had a quarrel this day? Are condoms or lubricants at hand?
Remembering and writing down the details of your sex life in detail will help you clarify what your sexual arousal conditions are so that you can communicate openly with your partner in the next step.
3. A thorough understanding of your partner's memories and life with your ex-husband will definitely help promote the current sexual relationship. There are many reasons for the breakdown of a marriage with your ex-husband, so you can use this as a reference now.
Then carefully recall and analyze how you feel about your current partner: do you admire him? Do you care about him? Do you not care? Do you like the way he treats you? What are his strengths? How responsible is he? How loyal is he? How humorous is he? What is his education level? What are his ambitions? How much do you have in common with his values and interests? Do you want children? Does he have bad habits such as alcoholism and gambling? What are his spending habits? How much tolerance do you have for a messy house all day? Can you express your feelings or personal desires to each other openly?
The completion of this step depends on how well you know your partner. It does not need to be consistent with how well the other person knows you, nor does it have anything to do with how well the two get along. Being able to gradually gain a real and in-depth understanding of your partner means that you are truly interested in him or her, are willing to listen and accept him or her, and can listen to what he or she says or his or her opinions regardless of whether you agree or not. This is not an easy task. When partners have been together for a long time, they naturally become very familiar and adapted to each other. They feel comfortable staying together and can easily foresee each other's reactions. They can therefore easily infer and understand the intentions and meanings of each other's words or actions. And for the next and most difficult of these five steps in training or treatment, the willingness to listen politely and share each other's joys and sorrows is the basic, indispensable condition and foundation.
Differences and issues surrounding these areas can create feelings of suspicion and discomfort, which, if not addressed, can quickly turn into distrust, resentment, and hatred. As the saying goes, "Three times the limit", frequent conflicts will definitely have a huge impact and negative influence on sexual desire.
4. Honest Communication If a person really wants to create an ideal lover for himself, the secret lies in honest communication. It requires all your thoughts, feelings, and courage to let him know your true feelings - what is it about him that you admire or are interested in? What are his shortcomings? What changes should he make to adapt and meet his needs?
Communication is definitely a two-way street. It means that both parties can speak freely, especially about sexual orientation; it also means working together, taking concerted actions and bringing about effective and positive changes. Be prepared for potentially hurtful views or requests from the other party. It is natural to have necessary explanations, discussions, and understandings with the goal of ultimately reaching a basic consensus. The reason why this stage is the most difficult is that communication is dangerous to a certain extent, and both parties may be greatly shocked when receiving feedback from each other. "So this is how she (he) sees me. It makes me so sad!" Therefore, when communicating, remember to be absolutely gentle and friendly, and avoid making rude remarks or intentionally hurting the other person.
However, when disappointment and dissatisfaction are delayed for a long time without conflict and communication, the cost may be higher, often leading to alienation and deeper resentment, without even the desire to argue, and the marriage bed becomes cold. This means that couples should enter couples therapy.
5. Expand and mobilize all your skills. It takes some time and effort to progress to this point, but once both parties reach this point, it means that they have passed the communication barrier and learned how to reduce each other's disappointment and share beautiful hopes. Although the love schemas of both parties cannot be completely in sync, at this point both parties can accept each other to a considerable extent, and there are some areas that can never be in sync. For example, if one person doesn’t like naturally curly hair, you can’t force the other person to straighten their hair! You can completely change your ideas about small things like this to adapt to the mutual needs of couples. Expanding and mobilizing all of your skills is all-encompassing, but with only one goal: to praise the other person, understand the other person, and adapt to the other person. Only those who truly understand the depths of each other's souls can obtain lasting love. On the contrary, if one only understands the appearance but cannot see through the heart, the two parties will inevitably become strangers. How can the marriage be harmonious and happy?
I believe that after following the five steps introduced above, a happy and harmonious sex life will definitely return to this lady's family. |
