Some embarrassing and funny things about my wife in bed (adult novels about sex knowledge)

Several embarrassing and funny things happened with my wife in bed "The north wind is blowing, the snowflakes are fluttering..." Year after year, my wife is still the same, but her wrinkles are increasing. Yesterday, I had an argument with my wife, and she asked me what I did this year and how much I contributed to this family. Heaven is above, and the earth is my witness. I have a lot of good things and funny things: "Count the sweat drops in front of the bed, count the money in the bank, count the funny things in front of the bed, count the faults of my wife and children, it's hard to be a human being, it's hard to be a man, every year is worse than the last, the wind is still the same, the rain is still the same..."
The first thing that made me, as a father, feel the most embarrassed was when I secretly ran to Nan Nan's bed and climbed onto her body after quarreling with my wife at night. Nan Nan suddenly said, "Dad, do you want to punish my mother while she is asleep?"
The second thing is that my wife and I should treat sex as a guessing game. If we say we will do the laundry, we will have sex at night, and if we say we will hang the clothes to dry, it will be inconvenient at night. One day my wife asked me to put away the clothes, and I ran to the bathroom and saw that there were no clothes. I guessed for a long time but couldn’t guess whether my wife would have sex at night or not, so I had to send her a message to ask her. As a result, she angrily said that I was wasting a dime!
The third thing was that I had a stomachache in the middle of the night and went to the bathroom to relieve myself. Unexpectedly, there was no toilet paper at all. I called my wife for a long time but she seemed to be sleeping like a dead pig. I called her cell phone but it was turned off. I had to ask my son Xiaoyi for help and used his discarded homework book.
The fourth incident was when I was chatting and laughing with my wife in bed at my parents’ house until midnight. My mother got up, knocked on our door and said something that almost made us faint: “You two are grown up, and your children are so grown up. You still make such a loud noise in the middle of the night. Aren’t you afraid of being laughed at by others?”
The fifth thing is that every night as soon as my wife goes to bed, she takes a tape measure to measure my belly circumference and forces me to learn belly dancing. Her reason is so sufficient that "a big belly will hinder the quality of sexual intercourse" that I finally realize that my wife has reached the age of being as ferocious as a wolf.
The sixth thing is that since I married my wife, she has never taken the initiative in bed and has always pretended to be a lady. Until one day when I said I needed her to be a beauty in bed, she actually installed a mosquito net at home and hung her photo on it, saying that there was nothing more "slutty" than this.
The seventh thing was a trick she had seen somewhere on the Internet that could quickly make both men and women excited and reach orgasm. She forced me to try it out one by one. After all the trials were completed, we were both exhausted. She had the nerve to say, "Oh, it turns out that there are no shortcuts to sex. It seems that our sex life is quite harmonious. The trials are over. Sweet dreams, husband!"
The eighth thing was that one day she suddenly had a nerve problem and insisted on riding on my neck. Unexpectedly, Xiaoyi pissed off Nannan, so she broke into the room and wanted to ride on her mother's neck. We both gave in to her in a panic. She almost broke my fragile neck that day. Fortunately, Xiaoyi didn't come. .
The ninth thing was that one time I said that the couple next door had just given birth to a child and they took good care of themselves, unlike my wife who didn’t take care of herself at all. As a result, she dreamed at night that she was fighting with someone and she slapped me hard in the face, causing half of my face to burn for the whole day. Fortunately, it wasn’t the Five Finger Mountain. . . . .