46 Dirty Jokes (Student Campus Adult Fiction)

1: One day, a mosquito and a praying mantis went to peek at a woman bathing. The mosquito said proudly: Look, I bit her chest twice ten years ago, and now it is swollen so big;

Mantis said unconvincedly, "That's nothing. I cut her between her legs ten years ago, and she still bleeds every month..."

2: In the hospital, a family had a baby boy. The child could speak right after he was born. The child said, "Grandpa." The grandpa cried out and then died.

The child said again, "Grandma." Grandma cried out and died. The child said again, "Dad." His father cried out, and then he looked around and saw that he was not dead.

At this time, the child's uncle died with a scream.

3: The kangaroo and the frog went to visit a prostitute. The kangaroo finished the job in two or three strokes.

I could only hear the frogs next door chirping one, two, three, hey, all night long! One, two, three hey!

The kangaroo was so envious. The next day,

The kangaroo said, "Wow!~~Brother Frog, you are awesome!" The frog said, "Fuck, I didn't jump on the bed all night!~~"

4: An elephant asked a camel, "Why are your dicks on your back?" The camel said, "Stay away! I won't talk to a thing with a dick on its face!"

The snake laughed wildly after listening to the conversation between the elephant and the camel. The elephant turned to the snake and said, "What are you laughing at? Your face is on your penis, so you have no right to laugh!"

6. A kindergarten teacher led her students to swim and accidentally exposed a pubic hair. A student asked the teacher what it was and the teacher pulled it out.

Said: "The thread is coming!"

7: The little girl always shows off her new toys to the little boy. The little boy has no choice but to take off his pants and say, "You will never have this!"

The girl also took off her pants and said, "My mother said: As long as you have this, you can have as many of those things as you want!"

8 A girl confessed her sins to the priest...Girl: Father, I am guilty. Priest: Son, what sin have you committed?

Girl: Yesterday, I cursed a man, "You son of a bitch!" Priest: Why? Did he do anything to you?

Girl: He…he touched my breasts. Priest: You mean like this? (The priest reaches out and touches the girl’s breast) Girl: Um…yes.

Priest: If that’s the case, you have no reason to scold him. Girl: But... take off my clothes again... Priest: You mean like this?

(The priest starts to take off the girl’s clothes) Girl: Yes, that’s right. Priest: But in this case you still have no reason to scold him.

Girl: Then... he turned off the lights and carried me to the bed, and then... Priest: (with a sly grin) You mean like this?

(The priest also turned off the light and carried the girl to the bed... Girl: (After a few minutes) Yes... That's it. Priest: My dear child,

Even so, you still have no reason to call him "you..." Girl: But he has AIDS!! Priest: That son of a bitch!!!

9: The driver took the leader to a cultural evening party. When the leader entered the venue, the driver was stopped by the security guard. The driver said that he and the leader were from the same system.

The security guard said: The penis and eggs are part of the same system. If the penis goes in, can the egg go in too?

10; A man went to a local gym to lose weight and become slimmer. The gym had a variety of fitness programs that seemed complicated, so he chose one.

The cheapest way is to lose a pound in an hour. He was taken to a house where a naked girl stood with a sign in her hand that read:

"If you can catch me, you can fuck me!" The guy immediately accepted the challenge and started chasing the girl, but every time he was about to catch the girl, she ran away.

An hour passed and he still hadn't caught the girl, so his fitness coach took him to weigh himself and he found out he had lost exactly one pound. "That's pretty good," the guy thought.

"I can lose weight and be happy at the same time." This time, he chose a slightly more expensive weight loss plan that could help him lose two pounds in an hour. He was taken to a room where

There were two naked girls standing there, each holding a sign that said, "If you can catch me, you can fuck me!" The guy was very excited and chased after them desperately.

In the end, he didn't catch either of the two girls. An hour later, the coach weighed him again and found that he had lost exactly two pounds. At this time, the guy was irritated.

He told his manager that he wanted to choose the most expensive weight loss plan. The manager assured him that he could lose ten pounds in an hour, but added that the plan was very dangerous.

The guy thought, it’s just a few more girls, the more chances there are, at least I can catch one. He urged the manager to send him to the most expensive room as soon as possible, even though

The manager kept telling him about the danger. So the man was taken to a house a little further away. They let him in and locked the door from the outside. The light in the room was dim.

Waiting for him was a chimpanzee holding a sign that read: "If I catch you, I'll fuck you"

11: A naked girl ran into a taxi, and the driver covered her from head to toe. The girl cursed, "What are you looking at? Haven't you seen naked women before?" The driver said

"I'm looking at where your money will come from."

12: Every time Lao Shi and Lao Lin meet, they always tease each other. One day, Lao Lin suddenly stroked Lao Shi’s bald head and said, “Your bald head feels like mine.

Mrs.'s ass. "Old Shi smiled and touched his bald head, then said with sympathy: "Yeah! It is exactly the same."

14: Spanish people like beef balls.

After the bullfight,

They cut off the "testicles" of the defeated bulls and ate them.

One day,

A Spaniard came to the restaurant and ordered beef balls.

The waiter said,

You pay a deposit.

Give it to you tomorrow.

the next day,

This person came to get the beef balls.

It turns out that the pill is very small.

Just ask why,

The waiter replied, "Sir, it's not always the bullfight that loses. Today, the bullfighter lost."

16: One day a lady got on the bus with a bottle of milk in her hand. When the bus arrived at a big station, there were more and more people, so crowded that it was difficult to breathe...

The young lady's breasts were squeezed by the crowd and were broken, and the breasts were all over her stockings. The lady said angrily: Hate it! ! Don't push! All the milk has been squeezed out for you.

17;The "goddess" by the Love River in Kaohsiung came to the city council one day to ask for a

Official job title...

Member::What title do you plan to use? Isn’t Goddess good enough?

Prostitute:: It’s not that it’s bad.. We just want a more formal name…

Member:: Then you will use?

Prostitute:: We need to use a new name -->> prostitute..

At this time, the reporters nearby were furious...

Reporter: How can this be possible? Isn’t this confusing the public?

At this time the prostitutes said loudly...

Why not? You journalists are in the "service industry".. so are we..

You are "welcome to submit articles"... We also welcome you to "do it"! !

18: A young lady and a handsome young man have a date in the park. Suddenly, I felt a little uneasy. The girl asked, "What's wrong with you?"

The young man said embarrassedly, "I need to go to the bathroom." The girl was puzzled, but saw him walking towards the public restroom, and then she realized that "going to the bathroom" meant going to the toilet.

After a while, the girl asked the young man, "When will you come to my place to play?"

I answered, "I want to go when it's convenient for you."...

19: An old man stayed at an old friend’s house because his daughter-in-law was about to give birth.

Friends asked why?

Answer: Don’t mention it! My daughter-in-law squeezed me out when she gave birth.

20: Professor Huang was furious in a class at a girls' school: "I am so tired on top, but you are not moving at all. I have paid so much, and you are not doing anything.

Did you absorb anything? "

Female students…………..

21: When a couple wants to have sex, they will use "washing clothes" as a secret signal. One day, the couple quarreled and the wife was angry and the husband was in love with sex.

Because of his need, he could not openly ask his wife for love, so he had to ask his son to pass on the message: (Mom, Dad said his clothes were dirty and needed to be washed.) Mom was very angry and said: (Talk to you

Dad said the washing machine is broken, so we won’t wash today. ) A few days later, it was the wife's turn to be impatient, so she asked her son to pass on the message: (Go tell your father that the washing machine is fixed.

Now, you can wash clothes. ) The son immediately said: (Mom, Dad told me that it’s not necessary, he has already washed it by hand.)

22: On a humid afternoon, in the quiet library, Ade had been reading for the whole morning and felt a little tired. He stretched and accidentally bumped into the girl sitting next to him.

So scared! He knocked over the drinks on the table and got a large area of ​​his clothes wet. Ah De was very embarrassed and immediately apologized to the girl: "Miss! I'm sorry! I scared you!

I will be responsible. "The girl turned around and said to Ade in a serious tone: "Classmate! Have some common sense! You just touched me, I can't be fertilized, but you

I'm wet, you'd better get some toilet paper to wipe it for me! "

23: A drunkard went out to buy some wine. Suddenly he saw a notice at a hotel on the corner that said: "Complete three difficult questions and you can drink wine for free for a year." !

Seeing the opportunity, the drunkard went in to ask the bartender and drank a few drinks first. The bartender asked, "You want to challenge three difficult questions?" The drunkard said, "Okay."

"First, you have to drink this glass of tequila with pepper in one gulp." "Second, there is a hippopotamus in our backyard who has been suffering from toothache for a long time. You have to help him extract the tooth."

"Third, do you see the apartment across the street? There lives a woman there who has not been satisfied for a long time. You need to satisfy her." The drunkard was eager to try it out, so he

After finishing the glass of tequila in one gulp, he suddenly felt like he was on fire, so he rushed to the backyard. Immediately, the screams of hippos were heard from the backyard. Soon after, the drunkard

Rushing out, he shouted to the bartender, "Quick! Where is that woman with the toothache you said is?"

24: A foreigner came to Taiwan and learned Chinese. But he couldn't figure out the difference between "iron" and "steel". One day he came home very late and the door downstairs couldn't be opened.

I had no choice but to shout upstairs, "Madam Landlady, your steel door won't open."

25: When Lao Huang was in trouble, he was sent back to his hometown. On International Women's Day, the county magistrate was going to give a speech at a women's meeting in a certain district. Knowing that Lao Huang could write, he forced him to write a speech. Old Huang is particularly annoyed by this bastard,

I put together an article, and the county magistrate read it word for word: "... I am a womanizer and have a lot of experience. I recently went to your place and got some first-hand information. I

He is a rough guy. How rough he is, your women's director knows best. I talked to her all night last night. At first, she didn't know my strengths and weaknesses, and I didn't know her depth, so we dodged each other.

I just can't get one piece. After many confrontations and mutual understanding, the situation was finally laid out on the table. Now that the disguise has been removed, the work below will be easier. We focus on the

Correct your posture, work at one go, explain things in simple terms, and persevere until the long-standing problems are completely resolved. It was such a sudden and refreshing release. Finally she was happy.

I am satisfied, how great is that! ...All female comrades, please stand up." The female comrades present, fearing the tyranny of the county magistrate, stood up and waited for instructions. The county magistrate licked his finger

He turned the page and continued: "Yes!"

26: On the lawn in front of a church, there was a sign with the words: "If you are tired of sin, please come in." Below it was another line of words written in red lipstick:

"If you are not tired, please call XXX, Amanza District."

27: After the doctor, the prostitute and the thief died, they all came to see the King of Hell at the same time. The King of Hell asked them what they did for a living. The doctor said, "I am a doctor. When other people are sick, I can cure them.

Cure and bring the dead back to life. The King of Hell was furious and said, "Every time I send out demons to capture criminals, you always resist and cause trouble. I will send you to the oil pan to suffer!"

The second question was about a prostitute, and the prostitute said, "I serve customers who are unmarried." The King of Hell said, "If you serve single people, you can extend their lifespan by twelve years. "Ask the thief again,

The thief said, "I am a thief. I pick up other people's clothes that are hung out to dry and their coins that are scattered around." The King of Hell said, "I am doing you a favor. You will gain ten years from your lifespan and will be sent back to the world of the living!" "

After hearing this, the doctor begged: "If the king decides this, I only ask that you release me and let me live again. I have a son and a daughter at home. Let the son be a thief and the daughter be a prostitute.

it’s done! "

28: One night, in a girls' dormitory, a girl was taking a shower. Suddenly, a cold wind blew and a female ghost floated over from the other side of the bathroom...

Float behind the girl...the female ghost patted her shoulder and said. Female ghost: "Miss, look! I have no face! 』

Girl: "What's so great about that? 』

Female ghost: "What do you mean by that? 』

The girl turned around and said to the female ghost calmly: "Look, I don't have breasts! 』

29: One day, a policeman was patrolling in an alley when he suddenly heard a conversation.

Person A: "How should we deal with this?" Person B: "We should kill her first, and then rape her..."

At this time, the policeman rushed in with his gun drawn without saying a word, and saw two men standing in the kitchen holding a fish in their hands.

30: It was a beautiful morning with a clear sky, but a farmer was sitting at his door, drunk and distraught.

A passerby stepped forward curiously and asked: "My fellow countryman, the weather is so nice today, why don't you go out and enjoy it, but instead sit here drinking alone?"

The farmer replied: Alas, there are some things you can never explain.

Passerby: What misfortune happened?

Farmer: I was milking the cow today, and when I was milking, the cow kicked me over with her left foot.

Passerby: It’s quite unlucky, but not that serious.

Farmer: Alas, some things you can never explain.

Passerby: What next?

Farmer: I tied her left leg to a pillar with a rope and continued to squeeze her. Just as the bucket was full, she kicked the bucket over with her right leg.

The passerby laughed and asked: What next?

Farmer: Alas, some things you can never explain. I tied her right leg to the pillar as well, and just enough to fill a bucket, but she knocked the bucket over with her tail.

Passerby: How unlucky. Forget it, don't be sad.

Farmer: Alas, some things you can never explain.

Passerby: Anything else? !

Farmer: This time I don't have a rope, so I plan to tie her tail to the post with a belt. I pulled out the belt and grabbed her by the tail. My pants fell off.

My girlfriend just happened to come in...

31: A village chief wanted to do something big. After careful investigation, he submitted a plan to his superiors, which said that he would tile the Great Wall and add a golden border to the equator.

Install an elevator on Mount Everest; put up railings around the Pacific Ocean. Leaders instructed: Don't aim too high, do more practical and small things.

So the village chief conducted another investigation and wrote another letter. It says: Put gloves on all flies; put masks on all mosquitoes; put shackles on all rats.

; Put condoms on all the locusts.

32; There was a primary school student who had a crush on his teacher for a long time. One day, he finally plucked up the courage to confess his feelings to the teacher. The teacher kept trying to persuade him, saying that it was wrong for him to do so, etc.

But the elementary school student was very stubborn and refused to listen, saying that love knows no age.

Finally, the teacher couldn't stand it anymore and said, "I don't want to be a child anymore!" The elementary school student smiled with satisfaction and said, "Teacher, I will be very careful!"

33;One day Xiao Ming came to visit his future mother-in-law’s house. Mother-in-law: "Please sit down and enjoy the food. It will be ready soon!" Then she went into the kitchen to get busy.

The nervous Xiao Ming and his mother-in-law's dog Xiaobai.

Suddenly, Xiao Ming found that his stomach started to hurt severely, and he thought to himself: No! I must hold it in! But he really couldn't help it, puff! He made a very stinky sound

Bullshit, he thought: I’m doomed now, I will definitely be kicked out! Unexpectedly, the mother-in-law just shouted: "Xiao Bai!" Xiao Ming was relieved and thought: Fortunately, Xiao Bai is here.

My scapegoat.

Then he couldn't help but fart for the second time, and his mother-in-law still yelled, "Xiao Bai!"

When he farted for the third time, his mother-in-law rushed out and yelled, "Xiao Bai! Are you going to wait until you stink to death before running away?!"

34: The emperor's sleep is a national tax

Beggars sleeping is a land tax

Sleeping with your wife is a personal income tax

Sleeping with my sister-in-law is VAT

Sleeping with a prostitute is a stamp duty

Sleeping with your lover is tax evasion

If a woman doesn't sleep, it's tax evasion

35: A Guang was away on business for a week. Before he even entered the house, he asked the apartment manager, "Did anyone come to see my wife while I was away, especially a strange man?"

Administrator: "No, only one person who delivered newspapers came the day before yesterday."

Ah Guang heaved a sigh of relief: "It seems that I was worrying too much."

The administrator added, "But he hasn't come down yet!"

Hikaru: "xo...xo*&^..."

36: One morning, there was a sound of firecrackers. Someone had opened a small cinema. On the first day, a film was shown. The advertisement said "The Story of Seven Men and a Woman" and there was a description: a beautiful woman fainted for unknown reasons, and seven men forcibly dragged her into the forest; what was waiting for the beautiful woman... Everyone found it very attractive and bought tickets to enter. When the movie started, "Snow White" appeared on the big screen and everyone left in anger.

The next day, everyone passed by the small cinema again and saw that the advertisement had changed. The advertisement says "The Story of Seven Men and a Woman" and has a description: A story about a beautiful woman and seven men who went on a stormy ecstasy for several days (definitely not "Snow White"). Everyone felt that this time it was more attractive than last time, and it was explained that it was not "Snow White", so they bought tickets to enter, and as a result, the words "Eight Immortals Crossing the Sea" appeared on the big screen! ! !

37: The spider and the bee got married.

The spider felt very sad and asked his mother, "Why do you insist that I marry the bee?"

Spider's mother said, "The bee is a little noisy, but she is still a flight attendant after all."

The bee was also very sad and asked her mother, "Why did you let me marry the spider?"

The bee's mother said, "Spiders are a little ugly, but they are also web builders after all...

38;One morning at Xiao Ming's home, Xiao Ming's father was having breakfast. Xiao Ming walked over and asked his father:

"Dad, does the heart have feet?"

Dad pointed to the heart and said:

"How can a heart have feet here?"

Xiao Ming replied:

"oh!",

Then Xiao Ming walked into the kitchen and asked his mother:

"Mom, does the liver have feet?"

My mother pointed to the liver and said:

"Silly boy, how can a liver have feet here?"

Xiao Ming said again:

"But I clearly heard last night...my dear...open your legs..."

39: After reading the newspaper, a senior administrative official said indignantly: "What kind of society is this with so many extramarital affairs!" "

The official’s wife continued: "That’s right, they should all be arrested and shot!" "

The official stared at his wife thoughtfully, "Tell me honestly, have you ever been unfaithful to me in all the years we've been married?"

"Why do you ask such a question?" the official's wife asked in surprise.

"Don't run away, answer my question!"

"Then," the official's wife was obviously frightened, "promise me first that you won't beat me."

"It's been a long time since I last beat my wife," he said with emotion.

"Okay," the official's wife gritted her teeth and said, "Only three times."

"Three times?!" The officer was anxious, "Which three times?"

"The first time, do you remember when you were taking the doctoral exam at the University of Chicago, there was an examiner who made things difficult for you and just didn't want you to pass? If you didn't get your doctorate, your family would lose face and our future would be ruined. Later, that difficult professor came to our house in person to congratulate you on passing. That was because I..."

"No wonder, it turned out that you did it for me... What about the second time?"

"The second time, do you remember when you were an ambassador in South America, and the king of that country threatened to sever diplomatic ties with our country? If they did, you would become an ambassador of severance of diplomatic ties, and your political future would be over. Later, the king suddenly changed his mind and stopped talking about severing diplomatic ties. It was because of me..."

"Oh, you did it for me...what about the third time?"

"The third time, do you remember when you were nominated as the Premier, and the Legislative Yuan voted, you were still 721 votes short? ......"

40: A pair of good friends, A and B, made an appointment to drink before their wedding.

A said: I asked my fiancée, and she blushed and whispered that her breasts were like oranges. I thought to myself, oranges are just oranges. I’m too ordinary looking, and one orange is enough for me to eat for the rest of my life.

B said: I also asked my future daughter-in-law, and she blushed and whispered to me that her breasts were like eggs. I thought to myself, eggs are eggs. Our family is not well off and one egg will be enough for me for a lifetime.

The two chose the same day to get married, and the next day they got together to drink.

A said: I was deceived by my wife. I never thought that kumquat is also called orange.

B said: I have also suffered a loss at the hands of my wife. A fried egg is also called an egg.

41: The Chinese Department of a certain university is taking a class on "Shuowen Jiezi" and today the character discussed is "男".

Professor Huang asked everyone a question:

"Why is there a field character on top of the word 'male'?"

"Because men are responsible for farming!" Ah Hui replied.

"Very good," the professor nodded and continued to ask, "Why is there a word 'force' below? Ah Fang, you answer it."

Ah Fang thought for a while, then stammered, "Can a man still be called a man if he has no strength down there?"

42;There was a couple who loved each other very much and had sex almost thirty days a month.

One day, my wife suddenly felt unwell. After examining her, the doctor said: You are suffering from nervous pain due to excessive indulgence. You must stop having sex for three months, otherwise your life may be in danger.

After returning home, the wife told her husband what happened, so the two of them had to endure and sleep in separate rooms for three months.

However, just one week later, the husband could not help but walk into his wife's room that night. He happened to see his wife was about to leave the room. The wife was surprised to see her husband and asked: Is there something wrong? ?

The gentleman said seriously: "I am here to kill you, what about you? "

The wife replied shyly: "I came here to commit suicide."

43; Both painters had a history of cheating in their marriages and did not trust each other. One day, the husband went out and the wife was afraid that he might smuggle, so she painted two little monkeys on his genitals. The husband, not to be outdone, also painted a little guard on his wife's private parts, saying, "You better guard the door for me."

That night, when the husband came home, his wife took off his pants to check and found that the two monkeys were still there, but in the wrong position.

My wife said, "The two monkeys are in the wrong positions. They are not the two I drew this morning. It seems you have been doing this behind my back again."

The husband argued, "It's obviously these two monkeys. You are looking for trouble with me."

The wife said, "My two monkeys are located lower, near the bushes. Look! They are almost at the end now..."

The husband argued, "Monkeys can climb trees. They were in the grass this morning, so it's not surprising that they're climbing to the top of the tree now."

So he began to check on his wife, but found that the little guard in the original painting was standing on the left side of the gate, but now it was on the right side. He was immediately furious.

She cursed, "You wicked whore, you still dare to argue with me? Although you drew this guard very similarly, you drew him in the wrong direction. He was originally on the left, but now he is on the right..."

The wife said, "Didn't the guard at the gate change shifts? It's not wrong for him to go to the right!"

The husband was furious: "Nonsense."

The wife sneered, "You only allow your monkey to climb the tree, but you don't allow my guards to change their posts? How can you be so unreasonable!"

44: A farmer bought several pigs, hoping to raise them to make ham and bacon. After a few weeks, he found that none of the pigs were pregnant, so he called a veterinarian for help.

The vet told him to try artificial insemination. The farmer had no idea what that meant, but he didn't want to show his ignorance, so he just asked the veterinarian how to tell if a pig was pregnant.

The vet said that any time you see pigs lying down and rolling around in the mud, they are pregnant. The farmer hung up the phone and thought for a while.

The conclusion was: artificial insemination meant that he had to fertilize these pigs. So he loaded all the pigs onto a truck, drove them to the woods, and fucked them one by one.

Pull them all back again. When the farmer woke up the next day, he went to the pigsty and saw that the pigs were still standing there. He thought that the first attempt must have failed.

So he trucked the pigs into the woods again, and this time, to be on the safe side, he fucked them each twice.

The next morning, he got up and went to the pigsty, only to find that the pigs were still standing there, motionless. He thought, let's try again, so he loaded the pigs onto the truck and drove them to the woods.

I spent a whole day fucking these pigs one by one over and over again. When I got home, I was so tired that I fell on the bed and fell asleep.

The next day, he could hardly get out of bed, so he asked his wife to go and see if the pigs were lying in the mud.

His wife came back and told him, "No, all the pigs are on the truck, and one of them is honking the horn impatiently with its mouth."

45: Someone confided to a friend: "There were two times when I came home from get off work and saw my wife hugging a man. What do you think I should do?" "I don't know," the friend replied, "Why don't you try working overtime?"

46: One day, a man’s wife gave birth to a baby. He rushed to the hospital and waited for n hours. The doctor came out and told him that it was twins, a boy and a girl! He was ecstatic: I'm a father! At this time, the doctor said with a worried look on his face: Boys' penises are on their faces, but girls' breasts are on their backs! A certain person stayed there, still not understanding why. The doctor asked: Do you never reply to posts?