My romantic past with a college girl. (Student campus adult novel)

Preface: A person has to go through some things that should not happen in his life before he will learn to cherish them. From the beginning, I seem to be waiting for something like this to happen, if not yesterday, then it will definitely happen today or tomorrow.

Just over a year into my marriage, my family life was already filled with smoke and war. When I was feeling most depressed, I was admitted to a graduate school in the provincial capital. In this way, my wife and I began to live apart.

In college, dating has become a trend and affectionate couples can be seen everywhere. Today's girls are fashionable and elegant. Compared with them, my wife undoubtedly looks lifeless. I seem to be secretly expecting something to happen.

One day, a college classmate who was working in Guangzhou came to do some business, and I went to see him at the hotel where he was staying. The two chatted for a while, and then the classmate casually flipped through the hotel's service guide and found something like a business card in it, with the contact information of a service agency printed on it. This agency provides services such as chatting, playing, and attending various activities with female college students. You can tell what it is at first glance.

My classmate smiled at me and said, "Call two girls over to play." Then he made a phone call, and it went through immediately. My classmate said he was on a business trip here, and wanted two good-looking girls to come over for dinner. She agreed immediately and assured him that she was a female college student.

About an hour later, someone really knocked on the door. When I opened the door, I saw two girls who looked like 20-year-old students standing there. They were both tall and good-looking. This was the first time I did something like this, so I was a little nervous and a little excited. They sat close to us and chatted with us in a very charming way. After a while, my classmate became dishonest. I felt a little embarrassed, so I said to the girl next to me, "Let's go out for a walk." She hesitated for a moment and then came out with me.

As soon as we went out, she naturally took my hand and walked onto the street. I suddenly didn't know how to proceed. The girl also looked at me blankly. Of course, this matter had to be decided by me. And I also know what to do, but suddenly I can't make up my mind. We walked on the street for a while and then entered a roadside park. I think it's kind of funny, it's like we're in love. I know her name is Shan and she studies at a Normal University. Actually, you shouldn't ask these questions when doing something like this. Maybe because I'm a special customer, she asked it naturally. I don't know whether it's true or not.

We found a secluded place and sat down, not knowing what to talk about. Shan leaned against me tightly, and her plump and upright breasts rubbed against my body intentionally or unintentionally, which aroused my impulse. The two of them ended up just sitting there indifferently, talking about some irrelevant topics.

After coming out, I gave her 200 yuan. She smiled at me, leaned over and kissed me, then chuckled in my ear and said, "You are a timid and silly man." Then she smiled and went to get on the bus. After walking a few steps, she came back and handed me a small piece of paper. I saw a string of numbers, which should be her cell phone number.

In fact, we can take the same bus because the Normal University is right next to our school. After she left, I suddenly felt an indescribable discomfort. I believe that there are many female students in colleges and universities who do this. If she hadn't met me today, she might have gone to bed with that old man or some dirty person. I don’t know whether I should feel sad for her, for myself, or for these girls who should be studying hard in the ivory tower.

This incident made me feel bad for a while. Deep down, I have always longed for a simpler love. Even though I am married, this idea seems to have never disappeared. I didn’t have a relationship when I was in college. Later, when I started working, I met my current wife through someone else’s introduction in that remote and backward city. We didn’t have much passion, but we just followed the procedure and got married. Maybe I thought too highly of girls and romance on campus.

After a long time, when I was about to forget the girl named Shan, I met her again. That day I went to the back of the school to find a classmate who lived outside, and that's where I met Shan. She was surprised to see me, but still waved at me generously.

She was wearing a pink tank top, a pair of jeans, a pair of very white sneakers, and had her hair tied in a ponytail. She looked very pure and sunny. If I hadn't been with her last time, I would never have believed that she was a girl who would do that kind of thing.

For several days, Shan's shadow kept flashing before my eyes. I knew she was that kind of girl, but I felt like I was under a spell - maybe deep down, I didn't think I was any better. One night, boredom gave me the perfect excuse, and I dialed the number she gave me. The phone was connected, and it was indeed her voice. I told her my identity and she reacted immediately. I asked her to come out and talk, and she hesitated for a moment and then agreed.

We met at the school gate. She was still dressed the same way as that day, but she looked even more beautiful at night. We went into an ice cream bar on the side of the road. Maybe because we both had some idea of ​​what was going on, the conversation went much more smoothly. Shan did not hide anything. She was not a college student. She had graduated from a technical secondary school three years ago. She was currently attending a one-year interior decoration training course at the Normal University. She would graduate in more than two months and had already found a job. In addition to the item about marriage, I also briefly talked about my own situation. She looked a little surprised - perhaps it was because I was a graduate student that made her feel special. But I didn’t know how to continue from then on, our relationship was already awkward. I asked her out, obviously not just to chat.

There was nothing to say, so we had to come out. I said to Shan, "Let's go to your place." She didn't say anything and took me to the back. As soon as I entered the room, I pulled Shan into my arms and began to kiss and caress her. Shan slowly responded, and I took off her clothes piece by piece. Her body was plump, soft and beautiful. We made love very vigorously, and I was like a young man who had just tasted the forbidden fruit, tireless. Maybe this is what is called passion. It's like the end of the world is coming, and we are all racing against time to use every bit of our energy to enjoy this extreme pleasure.

I woke up very late the next day. Shan hadn't gotten up yet. She was facing inward with her back to me. I looked at her body and suddenly, an inexplicable feeling of emotion rose in my heart. I don't know how long it was before she said softly, "Go away. Thank you for giving me such a night." My face suddenly turned red and white because I was wondering whether I should give her some money.

For the next two days, my whole body and mind were in a state of inexplicable excitement, which could not be explained by one sexual act. If there is no money involved, it cannot be called sex transaction. And I did get more than just sexual pleasure from Shan. And this excitement deepened my guilt about my marriage. No matter how many high-sounding excuses there are, I have always been clear that extramarital sex is inherently immoral. However, there always seems to be some things in life that you know are immoral, dirty, and can even destroy everything in your life, but you still enjoy doing them, like a moth flying into a flame or drinking poison to quench thirst.

In the days that followed, I would go to see Shan almost whenever I had time. At that time, she was preparing for her graduation project and had a lot of free time, and it seemed that she didn't do that kind of thing anymore. She never rejected me, and I was really fascinated by her beauty, her youth, and her flamboyance. Every time, I feel like a volcano erupting, which is exactly what I have always longed for. I went shopping with her, bought her clothes, and took her to the movies and had Western food. Our relationship has gone far beyond the scope of sex and looks more like a couple. But we never talked about the future, not even about ourselves - of course we both knew that. I don't know what Shan would do if she knew I was a married man.

Of course I felt guilty and blamed myself for my behavior, but I still couldn't control myself. I felt at ease maintaining this kind of relationship with Shan. Deep down, I always thought that she was a girl whom I didn't have to be responsible for and didn't have to feel guilty when facing her. She wouldn't ask anything of me. This relationship is important to me because she is safe. I kept telling myself that we were together just because we needed each other physically. When I realized this, I felt selfish, cowardly, hypocritical, and even dirty. I think this may be a common problem for every cheating man.

But as time went by, I found myself becoming very dependent on Shan, and this dependence was not just about sex. I long to be with her, to watch her laugh, to see her sad, and when I face her beautiful body, I would painfully think of how many men have possessed her. This pain also includes the fact that I am very clear that I have no right to have this pain at all. I felt uneasy, it reminded me of Alexandre Dumas's "La Dame aux Camélias", but that was a pure and noble love. As for me, besides possessing her, have I ever thought about her, have I ever thought about my wife at home?

It was difficult for me to see Shan until more than ten days before leaving school. She's already distancing herself from me.

But I caught her at San's place one day. She looked at me silently, and her indifference made me shudder. After a long silence, I heard myself say, "I love you." It was very soft and without any confidence. When I said that, I didn't dare to look at Shan. She obviously heard it, but didn't react for a long time. I looked up at her secretly. It turned out that she was staring at me, and her sharp, mocking and painful eyes made me lower my head again.

Shan seemed to be talking to herself, or like she was talking to me: "Do you love me? You said you love me?" Her voice was lonely and sad. My heart was suddenly filled with shame. What qualifications did I have to say that I loved her? I heard her suppressed crying. After a while, she suddenly yelled at me hysterically: "You love me? Tell me, what do you love about me? From the beginning, you knew what kind of girl I was, but you still came to me. Don't you just want my body? You say you love me, don't you feel hypocritical? Do you think I don't want love? But am I still qualified to love?" Her words hurt me deeply. I am not qualified to love, either morally or legally. After saying this, she burst into tears, and her cry was filled with grievance, despair, grief, and endless regret.

Have I ever repented for this?